Having difficulty asking for what you want? Get help from a baby.

# Having Difficulty Asking for What You Want? Learn From a Baby ## Why Is It So Hard to Ask for What You Want? As babies, we had no trouble expressing our needs. When we were hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or wanted attention, we made our feelings known immediately. We did not worry about being judged, rejected, or criticized. So what changed? Many people seek counselling for anxiety, depression, grief, relationship challenges, or low self-esteem. Although every person's story is unique, one common theme often emerges: "I am not good enough." This belief can quietly influence almost every area of life, including your ability to ask for what you need and want. ## Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From? When you were born, you did not believe there was anything wrong with you. You did not think you were too much, not enough, too emotional, too sensitive, too demanding, or too flawed. However, as we grow up, we absorb messages from our environment. Praise, criticism, unrealistic expectations, comparisons, or even the absence of encouragement can shape how we see ourselves. Over time, these experiences often create an inner critic that questions our worth and abilities. You may recognize thoughts such as: * What's wrong with me? * Why can't I get it right? * I should be doing better. * I'm not good enough. * Other people are better than I am. Unfortunately, these messages can erode confidence and make it difficult to advocate for yourself. ## How Low Self-Esteem Affects Daily Life When self-esteem is low, many people begin putting the needs of others ahead of their own. This can show up in many ways: * Constantly trying to please others. * Neglecting self-care. * Avoiding difficult conversations. * Struggling to set boundaries. * Not asking for help. * Undercharging for services. * Avoiding career opportunities. * Staying silent about personal needs. * Minimizing achievements and successes. As a result, frustration, resentment, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion often increase. ## Why Asking for What You Want Matters Healthy relationships require honest communication. People cannot read your mind. If you consistently ignore your needs or expect others to guess what you want, disappointment often follows. Learning to ask for what you want is not selfish. It is a healthy expression of self-respect and self-worth. When you communicate your needs clearly, you create opportunities for connection, understanding, and positive change. ## A Powerful Exercise: Mirror Work One effective way to improve self-esteem is through a practice known as mirror work. Stand in front of a mirror and look directly into your own eyes. Then say: "I love and accept you exactly as you are." You can make the statement even more personal by including your name: "I love you, Sarah. I love and accept you exactly as you are." Notice what thoughts arise immediately afterward. Many people discover that their inner critic quickly responds with doubt, criticism, or judgment. These reactions provide valuable insight into beliefs that may be limiting confidence and self-worth. ## Journaling for Self-Awareness Writing down the thoughts that surface during mirror work can be incredibly helpful. Ask yourself: * Where did this belief come from? * Is it actually true? * Would I say this to someone I love? * How has this belief affected my life? Journaling helps uncover patterns and creates opportunities for healing and self-compassion. ## What Babies Can Teach Us About Authenticity Babies express emotions honestly. They cry when they are upset. They laugh when they are happy. They seek comfort when they need connection. Most importantly, they do not apologize for having needs. As adults, many of us lose this authenticity. We become focused on pleasing others, avoiding mistakes, and meeting unrealistic standards. Learning to reconnect with your authentic self means giving yourself permission to experience emotions, express needs, and ask for support without shame. ## Let Go of Perfectionism Perfectionism often fuels low self-esteem. When you believe you must always perform flawlessly, any mistake can feel like proof that you are not good enough. Instead, try loosening your standards in one area of your life. Practice: * Allowing mistakes. * Celebrating small successes. * Laughing at imperfections. * Accepting progress instead of perfection. * Rewarding yourself for positive changes. These small shifts can create significant improvements in confidence and emotional well-being. ## Give Yourself Permission to Be You The journey toward greater self-esteem begins with self-acceptance. Like a baby, allow yourself to express your feelings honestly and stay present with your experience. The more you learn to value yourself, the easier it becomes to ask for what you need, set healthy boundaries, and create meaningful relationships. Remember, your needs matter. Your voice matters. And you deserve the same kindness and compassion that you so freely offer to others.
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Having Difficulty Asking for What You Want? Learn an Important Lesson from Babies

Why Is It So Hard to Ask for What You Want?

Learning how to ask for what you want can feel surprisingly difficult. Yet when you were a baby, expressing your needs came naturally.

If you were hungry, you cried. If you needed comfort, you let someone know. When you wanted attention, you asked for it without hesitation.

There was no self-doubt, shame, or fear of rejection.

So what changed?

Many people seek counselling for anxiety, depression, grief, relationship challenges, or low self-esteem. Although every situation is unique, one common belief often lies beneath these struggles:

“I’m not good enough.”

Over time, this belief can affect confidence, relationships, self-esteem, and the ability to communicate your needs effectively.

How Self-Doubt Develops

As children, we learn about ourselves through our experiences and interactions with others.

Praise, criticism, expectations, comparisons, or even the absence of encouragement can influence how we view ourselves.

Gradually, many people develop an inner critic that questions their worth and abilities.

You may recognize thoughts such as:

  • What’s wrong with me?
  • Why can’t I get it right?
  • I should be doing better.
  • I’m not good enough.
  • Other people are more successful than I am.

Unfortunately, these beliefs can become so familiar that they begin to feel true.

The Connection Between Self-Esteem and Asking for What You Want

Low self-esteem often makes it difficult to advocate for yourself.

As a result, many people begin putting the needs of others ahead of their own.

For example, you may:

  • Constantly try to please others.
  • Avoid asking for help.
  • Neglect your own self-care.
  • Stay silent when something bothers you.
  • Avoid requesting a raise or promotion.
  • Undercharge for your services.
  • Minimize your accomplishments.
  • Allow others to treat you poorly.

Consequently, feelings of resentment, frustration, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion can develop.

Why Your Needs Matter

Many people believe that putting themselves first is selfish.

However, healthy relationships require honest communication and mutual respect.

The people in your life cannot read your mind.

If you consistently ignore your own needs, disappointment often follows. Furthermore, unspoken needs can create misunderstandings and relationship conflict.

Learning how to ask for what you want is not selfish. Instead, it is an important act of self-respect and self-care.

A Simple Exercise to Build Self-Esteem

One powerful technique for improving self-esteem is called mirror work.

Stand in front of a mirror and look directly into your own eyes.

Then say:

“I love and accept myself exactly as I am.”

You can also personalize the statement:

“I love you, Sarah. I love and accept you exactly as you are.”

Next, pay attention to the thoughts that immediately arise.

Many people notice critical responses such as:

  • Who do you think you are?
  • That’s not true.
  • If you’re so great, why haven’t you accomplished more?
  • You’re just fooling yourself.

Although these thoughts may feel uncomfortable, they reveal important beliefs that deserve attention and healing.

Use Journaling to Increase Self-Awareness

After completing the mirror exercise, consider writing down any thoughts or emotions that surfaced.

Then ask yourself:

  • Where did this belief come from?
  • Is this thought actually true?
  • Would I say this to someone I love?
  • How has this belief affected my life?

Through journaling, many people gain valuable insight into the origins of their self-doubt and perfectionism.

What Babies Can Teach Us About Authenticity

Babies express their emotions honestly and naturally. When they are upset, they cry. When they are joyful, they laugh. Likewise, when they need comfort, they seek connection without shame.

Most importantly, babies do not apologize for having needs.

As adults, many of us lose this sense of authenticity. Instead, we become focused on pleasing others, avoiding mistakes, and meeting unrealistic expectations.

Furthermore, we often suppress emotions because we fear judgment, criticism, or rejection.

Learning to reconnect with your authentic self means allowing yourself to experience emotions, communicate your needs, and ask for support without shame.

Let Go of Perfectionism

Perfectionism often fuels low self-esteem and anxiety.

When you believe everything must be done perfectly, even small mistakes can feel overwhelming. Consequently, you may become afraid to take risks, speak up, or ask for what you need.

Instead, try loosening your standards in one area of your life.

For example:

  • Allow yourself to make mistakes.
  • Celebrate small victories.
  • Find humour in imperfections.
  • Choose progress over perfection.
  • Reward yourself for positive changes.

Over time, these small adjustments can significantly improve confidence and emotional well-being.

Give Yourself Permission to Be Yourself

The journey toward greater self-esteem begins with self-acceptance.

Rather than judging yourself harshly, approach yourself with curiosity and compassion. Just like a baby, allow yourself to express emotions honestly and stay present with your experience.

In addition, remind yourself that having needs does not make you selfish or demanding.

The more you value yourself, the easier it becomes to communicate clearly, establish healthy boundaries, and build meaningful relationships.

Ultimately, your needs matter. Your voice matters. Most importantly, you deserve the same kindness and compassion that you so freely offer to others.

Learning how to ask for what you want begins by believing that what you want matters.