self-esteem

Has Addiction damaged your self-esteem?

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Change

Has Addiction Damaged Your Self-Esteem? Rebuilding Confidence, Trust, and Self-Worth During Recovery Addiction and self-esteem are closely connected. Whether you are struggling with addiction yourself or supporting a loved one through recovery, the emotional impact can leave deep wounds. Broken promises, damaged trust, feelings of shame, and ongoing uncertainty often affect how you see yourself … Read more

Are you ready for more love in your relationship?

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Communicating Your Needs

Are You Ready for More Love in Your Relationship? How Forgiveness Can Strengthen Your Relationship More love in your relationship often starts with something many couples overlook: forgiveness. While most people want deeper connection, greater intimacy, and stronger communication, unresolved hurt can quietly stand in the way. As a relationship counsellor, I frequently work with … Read more

Do you enjoy sex more after a few drinks?

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couples

Can Alcohol Improve Your Sex Life? The Truth About Intimacy and Connection Do You Enjoy Sex More After a Few Drinks? Many people report feeling more relaxed, confident, or uninhibited after having a drink or two. As a result, some couples begin to associate alcohol with intimacy and sexual connection. Over time, however, relying on … Read more

Having difficulty asking for what you want? Get help from a baby.

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# Having Difficulty Asking for What You Want? Learn From a Baby ## Why Is It So Hard to Ask for What You Want? As babies, we had no trouble expressing our needs. When we were hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or wanted attention, we made our feelings known immediately. We did not worry about being judged, rejected, or criticized. So what changed? Many people seek counselling for anxiety, depression, grief, relationship challenges, or low self-esteem. Although every person's story is unique, one common theme often emerges: "I am not good enough." This belief can quietly influence almost every area of life, including your ability to ask for what you need and want. ## Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From? When you were born, you did not believe there was anything wrong with you. You did not think you were too much, not enough, too emotional, too sensitive, too demanding, or too flawed. However, as we grow up, we absorb messages from our environment. Praise, criticism, unrealistic expectations, comparisons, or even the absence of encouragement can shape how we see ourselves. Over time, these experiences often create an inner critic that questions our worth and abilities. You may recognize thoughts such as: * What's wrong with me? * Why can't I get it right? * I should be doing better. * I'm not good enough. * Other people are better than I am. Unfortunately, these messages can erode confidence and make it difficult to advocate for yourself. ## How Low Self-Esteem Affects Daily Life When self-esteem is low, many people begin putting the needs of others ahead of their own. This can show up in many ways: * Constantly trying to please others. * Neglecting self-care. * Avoiding difficult conversations. * Struggling to set boundaries. * Not asking for help. * Undercharging for services. * Avoiding career opportunities. * Staying silent about personal needs. * Minimizing achievements and successes. As a result, frustration, resentment, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion often increase. ## Why Asking for What You Want Matters Healthy relationships require honest communication. People cannot read your mind. If you consistently ignore your needs or expect others to guess what you want, disappointment often follows. Learning to ask for what you want is not selfish. It is a healthy expression of self-respect and self-worth. When you communicate your needs clearly, you create opportunities for connection, understanding, and positive change. ## A Powerful Exercise: Mirror Work One effective way to improve self-esteem is through a practice known as mirror work. Stand in front of a mirror and look directly into your own eyes. Then say: "I love and accept you exactly as you are." You can make the statement even more personal by including your name: "I love you, Sarah. I love and accept you exactly as you are." Notice what thoughts arise immediately afterward. Many people discover that their inner critic quickly responds with doubt, criticism, or judgment. These reactions provide valuable insight into beliefs that may be limiting confidence and self-worth. ## Journaling for Self-Awareness Writing down the thoughts that surface during mirror work can be incredibly helpful. Ask yourself: * Where did this belief come from? * Is it actually true? * Would I say this to someone I love? * How has this belief affected my life? Journaling helps uncover patterns and creates opportunities for healing and self-compassion. ## What Babies Can Teach Us About Authenticity Babies express emotions honestly. They cry when they are upset. They laugh when they are happy. They seek comfort when they need connection. Most importantly, they do not apologize for having needs. As adults, many of us lose this authenticity. We become focused on pleasing others, avoiding mistakes, and meeting unrealistic standards. Learning to reconnect with your authentic self means giving yourself permission to experience emotions, express needs, and ask for support without shame. ## Let Go of Perfectionism Perfectionism often fuels low self-esteem. When you believe you must always perform flawlessly, any mistake can feel like proof that you are not good enough. Instead, try loosening your standards in one area of your life. Practice: * Allowing mistakes. * Celebrating small successes. * Laughing at imperfections. * Accepting progress instead of perfection. * Rewarding yourself for positive changes. These small shifts can create significant improvements in confidence and emotional well-being. ## Give Yourself Permission to Be You The journey toward greater self-esteem begins with self-acceptance. Like a baby, allow yourself to express your feelings honestly and stay present with your experience. The more you learn to value yourself, the easier it becomes to ask for what you need, set healthy boundaries, and create meaningful relationships. Remember, your needs matter. Your voice matters. And you deserve the same kindness and compassion that you so freely offer to others.

Having Difficulty Asking for What You Want? Learn an Important Lesson from Babies Why Is It So Hard to Ask for What You Want? Learning how to ask for what you want can feel surprisingly difficult. Yet when you were a baby, expressing your needs came naturally. If you were hungry, you cried. If you … Read more

How to stop having certain arguments over and over again…

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couples counselling online

How to Stop Having the Same Argument Over and Over Again Are You Stuck Having the Same Relationship Conflict? Do you ever feel like you and your partner keep having the same argument? Perhaps the topic changes slightly, but the frustration feels familiar. One of you becomes irritated, the other becomes defensive, and before long … Read more

Celebrating the divinity and beauty in you…

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Self-Compassion and Healing

Celebrating the Divinity and Beauty Within You Are You Harder on Yourself Than Anyone Else? One of the most common struggles I witness in my work as a counsellor is the belief of not being good enough. Many people carry a harsh inner critic that constantly reminds them of their perceived flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. … Read more

Why having a pity party with your spouse is good for you

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Ina Stockhausen - online counselling

Why Venting With Your Partner Can Strengthen Your Relationship Is It Healthy to Complain to Your Partner? Many couples worry that talking about frustrations, annoyances, and daily stress will negatively affect their relationship. However, when done in a healthy way, sharing life’s challenges can actually strengthen emotional connection. In fact, taking time to vent and … Read more

The double-edged sword of asking for help

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Asking for Help in Relationships

Asking for Help in Relationships: Why It Can Be So Difficult The Challenge of Asking for Help Many couples find themselves spending more time together than ever before. As responsibilities increase, so does the need for teamwork. However, asking for help is not always easy. For some people, requesting support feels uncomfortable or even vulnerable. … Read more