Does your relationship need a fall DETOX?
Seasonal changes like spring and fall are popular times for cleanses and detoxes. Would you like to feel more emotionally connected in your relationship? If you have been feeling somewhat disconnected, perhaps it’s time for a fall relationship detox.
Regardless of how much you loved each other initially, over time it’s the little things that define the success and level of connection in your relationship.
Sometimes you become complacent and the little things that you used to do enthusiastically to “please” your partner have slowly become less frequent.
Do you often feel like life has gotten busier since you started travelling on the road of life together? In the beginning there was just the two of you…now there is a mortgage, children, pets, associations you belong to etc. Sometimes the romantic loving little things get swallowed up by life.
Strangely enough, as the special little things that contribute to you both feeling connected, loved, understood and cherished diminish, a host of annoying little things that create disconnect, frustration, misunderstanding and hurt start to accumulate.
Unfortunately those annoying little things often gather in momentum almost effortlessly and at some point start to impact your desire and willingness to go the extra mile with your partner.
You are in need of a relationship detox if can relate to the following:
- When you argue, you forget that you’re lovers! not adversaries.
- When your spouse’s behaviour frustrates you, you start interpreting it thru a filter of judgement and criticism.
- Rather than a having a positive narrative about each other, your head is filled with a grumpy commentary that focuses on your partner’s shortcomings.
Here are some suggestions that can help you clear out emotional clutter that is impacting your heart connection:
Practice accountability. Own your stuff. Apologize for mistakes and behaviour that has caused your partner to experience hurt.
Practice forgiveness. Forgive your partner for missing the mark.
Stop blaming each other for how you feel – instead start looking at what YOU could have done differently.
Stop power struggling. Instead, start collaborating by making the understanding of each others needs a priority rather than pushing your solution onto your partner.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Take a bird’s eye view. In the big picture of your life together is it really worth while to waste time being in conflict over this issue?
Stop being judgemental and learn to tolerate the expression of your differences with more grace.
Of course the above practices are not just part of a relationship cleanse but ideally become valued practices that are part of your relationship care.
With the freed up emotional space, focus on having fun, creating ease and harmony together. Discuss some things that your beloved could do that would make you feel special and more connected.
If you feel stuck in a pattern of negativity, harsh communication and negative thoughts and the idea of a DIY relationship detox is overwhelming, perhaps it is time to bring your relationship in for a fall “tune up” to a trusted professional such as a relationship counsellor or marriage therapist. In fact many of the couples I work with in couples counselling use exactly that language. They aren’t in crisis …yet, but would like to clean out some of those negative little things that are starting to impact the level of happiness, fun and connection in their marriage.