Blog Posts

Stressed? Anxious?…Just breathe…

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stress

Breathing for Stress and Anxiety: A Simple Technique to Calm Your Mind and Body Can Breathing Really Reduce Stress and Anxiety? When someone tells you to “just breath,” it may sound overly simple. After all, you are already breathing, aren’t you? However, the way you breathe can have a significant impact on your physical and … Read more

Are You Gaining Weight Because You’re Ignoring Your Own Needs? Part 2

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Communicating Your Needs

Are You Gaining Weight Because You’re Ignoring Your Own Needs? Part 2 Learning to Ask for What You Need In Part 1, we explored how putting yourself last can contribute to stress, emotional eating, and feelings of overwhelm. We discussed how constantly taking care of others while ignoring your own needs can leave you feeling … Read more

Use this practice to enjoy a more satisfying sex life with your partner

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online relationship counselling

Body Awareness for Better Intimacy and Connection The Secret to a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship Many couples want a deeper emotional and physical connection with their partner. While communication, trust, and affection are important, one often-overlooked factor can significantly enhance intimacy: body awareness. As an intimacy coach and relationship counsellor, I often work with couples … Read more

What should be on the top of your to-do list to make your marriage flourish?

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Marriage

The One Thing That Should Be at the Top of Your To-Do List for a Stronger Marriage Want Your Marriage to Thrive? Many couples seek relationship counselling because something feels missing in their marriage. Often, they describe feeling confused, disappointed, or saddened by the realization that their once-exciting relationship has become predictable and routine. The … Read more

Having difficulty asking for what you want? Get help from a baby.

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# Having Difficulty Asking for What You Want? Learn From a Baby ## Why Is It So Hard to Ask for What You Want? As babies, we had no trouble expressing our needs. When we were hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or wanted attention, we made our feelings known immediately. We did not worry about being judged, rejected, or criticized. So what changed? Many people seek counselling for anxiety, depression, grief, relationship challenges, or low self-esteem. Although every person's story is unique, one common theme often emerges: "I am not good enough." This belief can quietly influence almost every area of life, including your ability to ask for what you need and want. ## Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From? When you were born, you did not believe there was anything wrong with you. You did not think you were too much, not enough, too emotional, too sensitive, too demanding, or too flawed. However, as we grow up, we absorb messages from our environment. Praise, criticism, unrealistic expectations, comparisons, or even the absence of encouragement can shape how we see ourselves. Over time, these experiences often create an inner critic that questions our worth and abilities. You may recognize thoughts such as: * What's wrong with me? * Why can't I get it right? * I should be doing better. * I'm not good enough. * Other people are better than I am. Unfortunately, these messages can erode confidence and make it difficult to advocate for yourself. ## How Low Self-Esteem Affects Daily Life When self-esteem is low, many people begin putting the needs of others ahead of their own. This can show up in many ways: * Constantly trying to please others. * Neglecting self-care. * Avoiding difficult conversations. * Struggling to set boundaries. * Not asking for help. * Undercharging for services. * Avoiding career opportunities. * Staying silent about personal needs. * Minimizing achievements and successes. As a result, frustration, resentment, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion often increase. ## Why Asking for What You Want Matters Healthy relationships require honest communication. People cannot read your mind. If you consistently ignore your needs or expect others to guess what you want, disappointment often follows. Learning to ask for what you want is not selfish. It is a healthy expression of self-respect and self-worth. When you communicate your needs clearly, you create opportunities for connection, understanding, and positive change. ## A Powerful Exercise: Mirror Work One effective way to improve self-esteem is through a practice known as mirror work. Stand in front of a mirror and look directly into your own eyes. Then say: "I love and accept you exactly as you are." You can make the statement even more personal by including your name: "I love you, Sarah. I love and accept you exactly as you are." Notice what thoughts arise immediately afterward. Many people discover that their inner critic quickly responds with doubt, criticism, or judgment. These reactions provide valuable insight into beliefs that may be limiting confidence and self-worth. ## Journaling for Self-Awareness Writing down the thoughts that surface during mirror work can be incredibly helpful. Ask yourself: * Where did this belief come from? * Is it actually true? * Would I say this to someone I love? * How has this belief affected my life? Journaling helps uncover patterns and creates opportunities for healing and self-compassion. ## What Babies Can Teach Us About Authenticity Babies express emotions honestly. They cry when they are upset. They laugh when they are happy. They seek comfort when they need connection. Most importantly, they do not apologize for having needs. As adults, many of us lose this authenticity. We become focused on pleasing others, avoiding mistakes, and meeting unrealistic standards. Learning to reconnect with your authentic self means giving yourself permission to experience emotions, express needs, and ask for support without shame. ## Let Go of Perfectionism Perfectionism often fuels low self-esteem. When you believe you must always perform flawlessly, any mistake can feel like proof that you are not good enough. Instead, try loosening your standards in one area of your life. Practice: * Allowing mistakes. * Celebrating small successes. * Laughing at imperfections. * Accepting progress instead of perfection. * Rewarding yourself for positive changes. These small shifts can create significant improvements in confidence and emotional well-being. ## Give Yourself Permission to Be You The journey toward greater self-esteem begins with self-acceptance. Like a baby, allow yourself to express your feelings honestly and stay present with your experience. The more you learn to value yourself, the easier it becomes to ask for what you need, set healthy boundaries, and create meaningful relationships. Remember, your needs matter. Your voice matters. And you deserve the same kindness and compassion that you so freely offer to others.

Having Difficulty Asking for What You Want? Learn an Important Lesson from Babies Why Is It So Hard to Ask for What You Want? Learning how to ask for what you want can feel surprisingly difficult. Yet when you were a baby, expressing your needs came naturally. If you were hungry, you cried. If you … Read more

How to stop having certain arguments over and over again…

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couples counselling online

How to Stop Having the Same Argument Over and Over Again Are You Stuck Having the Same Relationship Conflict? Do you ever feel like you and your partner keep having the same argument? Perhaps the topic changes slightly, but the frustration feels familiar. One of you becomes irritated, the other becomes defensive, and before long … Read more

Are you getting bigger because you’re making yourself small? Part 1

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Emotional Eating and Self-Care

Are You Gaining Weight Because You’re Ignoring Your Own Needs? Part 1 The Hidden Cost of Putting Yourself Last Have you ever found yourself constantly taking care of everyone else while neglecting your own needs? Many people, especially women, grow up believing that being a good partner, parent, daughter, friend, or caregiver means putting everyone … Read more

How Authenticity can help you lose weight

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Authenticity and Emotional Eating

Authenticity and Emotional Eating: How Being True to Yourself Can Help You Lose Weight Could Authenticity Be the Missing Piece? When people think about weight loss, they often focus on diets, exercise plans, and willpower. However, lasting change may have less to do with food and more to do with your relationship with yourself. Many … Read more

Intimacy Coaching: 10 minutes to a deeper Intimate Connection

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Deepening Intimacy

Deepening Intimacy: A Simple 10-Minute Practice for Stronger Emotional and Physical Connection Do You Want a Deeper Connection With Your Partner? Many couples long for a deeper emotional and intimate connection. Perhaps your relationship is generally good, but daily responsibilities, busy schedules, parenting demands, stress, or unresolved conflicts have created some distance between you and … Read more