Counselling and Psychotherapy for
Body, Mind and Spirit

Ina Stockhausen, MTC

Ina Stockhausen R.P.C. offers spiritual counselling and body psychotherapy or somatic counseling in Burnaby and North Vancouver.

inner conflict

Do you have a vision, a passion, a desire to do something? Do you have a Dream?

What are you doing to make your dream become reality? 

If your answer is “nothing”, because

  • It’s just not possible right now
  • It’s just a silly dream, it’s not realistic
  • I can’t afford to have dreams, I have responsibilities
  • I don’t have the time
  • It’s never going to happen anyway…

 I urge you to reconsider. Not answering the call of a passion that lives inside you comes at a price. If you always have to push down something that wants to come out in your life you will pay for it with your health. 

Ignoring a dream or sitting with a permanent longing is painful. While your rational mind may have reasons and your inner critic may have comments, you are living in inner conflict.

You are torn between a “I would really love to do this” and “I can’t”. 

This kind of inner conflict takes away hope.
Hope can be a soothing balm for an aching soul.
While one part of you may be busy extinguishing your dreams, another part of you is grieving. 

If you are forced to always push down an energy that wants to emerge, you risk suffering from depression at some point.

Furthermore, this kind of inner conflict is painful. It’s only natural that you’ll try to make the pain go away. If you repeatedly try to make the pain of unmet needs in your life go away either using a mood altering substance such as Alcohol, drugs (prescription or otherwise) or a particular activity you might one day find yourself addicted to your method of coping. 

In the beginning that shopping trip to the mall makes you feel better, or the thrill of the gambling table distracts you. That drink allows you to mellow and that pill may help you forget for a while.
But when the effect wears off, you will be right back in your place of conflict between the pain of an unmet need – in this case the realization of your dream and the rational voice that tells you it’s not going to happen. 

I invite you to set aside some time and explore:

  • What parts of you are you trying to ignore?
  • What parts of you have been overly concerned with trying to please others at the cost of putting your own pleasures last? 

As you contemplate the idea of making some changes you might get stuck in a place of black and white thinking or being overwhelmed by your inner critic. 

Try this exercise called a cost and benefit analysis. Take a sheet of paper and draw a large “+” sign creating two columns and two rows.

In the top left quadrant make a list of the benefits of not following your dream or giving energy to what you are not expressing. (e.g. being responsible, being “a grown up” etc.)

In the bottom left quadrant, write about the costs of not following your dream (e.g. depression, sadness, irritability etc.)

In the top right quadrant write about the benefits of taking action and following your dream (e.g. excitement and passion in your life, new opportunities, etc.)

In the bottom right quadrant write about the costs of following your dream (e.g. anxiety, people judging you, etc.) 

Sometimes it’s useful to enlist the help of a trusted friend or partner in this exercise, someone who can help you find your blind spots and/ or encourage you to look at the possibilities.

 You always have choices. Even when it feels like you don’t have a choice, you are still making one. Often just the reframing and getting in touch with your current choice and the need that your current choice is meeting can shift the energy. Rather than being powerless you become empowered. 

Your own dreams deserve the same respect and loving attention that you give to everything and everyone else that you love.
Allow yourself the thrill of your own passion…and breathe and ground thru the feelings of anxiety that can arise with that excitement. Don’t focus on all the what if’s. Instead activate trust in yourself. Activate your confidence in the possibility. 

A great way to do this is by creating a vision board. Here is a link where John Assaraf explains how to create a vision board.  

Give yourself permission to go for it. Allow yourself to dream.

It is thanks to the visions of someone’s dream that today we have internet, can take trips to other parts of the world in a plane and get x-rays ….just to name a few.

Here’s to Happy Dreams…